Researchers in Camden, NJ have identified the actual remains of what they are certain is the first legitimate proof of the existence of Fire Breathing Dragons.
Warren Latham, lead researcher at the School of Ancient Studies at The University of Camden says The artifact, dating back to at least 50 BC “clearly shows wings, the face of a creature in the lizard family and carbon traces consistent with fire.”
The only thing more surprising than the discovery itself, made in a dig site just East of Big Ed’s Tire Emporium off route 130, is the size of the dragon.
“Most people imagine dragons as these large, ferocious, fire breathing monsters,” said Latham, “but this dragon clearly shows that they were about the size of a large mouse and were likely more of a nuisance then a threat.”
Latham’s colleague Margaret Selmore disagrees claiming that small, fire breathing dragons could have “easily wreaked havoc and set villagers on fire as they lay napping.” Latham claims Selmore is ridiculously out of touch and a dreamer saying that “If a dragon was breathing fire on me I would just step on it.”
But Selmore insists “They could fly and dive bomb people and everything” to which Latham responds ” Birds can do that too, Margaret, but they don’t attack people.
Maybe they were more like chicken lizards and just flapped around on the ground all pissed off spouting smoke and stuff so quit with the romantic fantasies and go watch some more Harry Potter before I throw up in my mouth.”
Selmore began to cry, because she’s a girl.
Latham continues, saying that “Dragons were, at best, used as novelty cigarette lighters among the aristocracy and most likely eaten by the peasants. I believe the poor would have used one dragon to cook the other dragon and so on until dinner was ready.” Selmore asks, regaining her composure, “Do you know how stupid that sounds?”
The two argued on, resulting in an all out fist fight in which Selmore punched Latham in the head and then they made out in the laboratory.