The handshake is the crucible of the business world. Deliver a memorable handshake and you\u2019ll land that new client and be bumped up the list for a promotion. Deliver a flop and you\u2019ll be the laughing-stock of the office and probably get fired – if you don\u2019t quit first, that is, on account of the ensuing psychological abuse.\u00a0You can already hear your coworkers taunting you, can\u2019t you? “Hey, Jim. Nice handshake at the pitch last week. I\u2019m sure it had nothing to do with us not getting the account, you douche bag.”<\/p>\n
Here are ten handshakes that, when\u00a0employed\u00a0judiciously, will demonstrate to one and all that you’re a winner, not a douche bag! Use these shakes to make new friends at the office and win over new clients. But always remember that \u201cthe most important element of a good handshake is sincerity,\u201d as the renowned handshake expert Rheinhold Dilfer once famously instructed.<\/p>\n
THE GENTLEMAN<\/b>: This handshake began at Dartmouth in the early 1800s and has since become the preeminent handshake of Western civilization. With the palm of your right hand perpendicular to the floor, meet the person\u2019s approaching hand with yours, keeping your thumb pointing skyward on the way so that it catches the L of the other person’s hand. Clasp hands, gently move your forearm up and down, and then release. The Gentleman lasts for a total of two seconds, three seconds tops. \u00a0Most of the handshakes still practiced today, including all of those listed below, have their origins in The Gentleman.<\/p>\n
THE TICKLER<\/b>: This is the go-to shake when meeting someone for the first time. It consists of lovingly tickling the other person\u2019s palm with your pinkie finger. It\u2019s especially good for interviews \u2013 whether you\u2019re the interviewer or interviewee \u2013 and for getting to know your in-laws. The angle of the hand isn\u2019t as important as the thoroughness of the tickling.<\/p>\n
THE MAESTRO<\/b>: As soon as contact is made, lift the other person\u2019s hand in the air and then move it from side to side, like the person’s hand is a baton and you\u2019re the conductor. While safe and effective in all business settings, do try to avoid executing The Maestro on anybody over 70 years of age.<\/p>\n
THE SPICY TUNA<\/b>: This one is something of a catchall for any handshake involving foodstuffs. The Spicy Tuna thrives on improvisation.<\/p>\n
THE BALL BUSTER<\/b>: This one\u2019s pretty straightforward. As soon as contact is made, start squeezing the person\u2019s hand as hard as you can. The Ball Buster is great to use on the new guy at work, not to mention your girlfriend\u2019s disapproving sister.<\/p>\n
<\/b>THE SPANKER (a.k.a. THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN)<\/b>: Engage the other person\u2019s hand with The Gentleman and then, without warning, spank it with your free hand. This one really gets the blood flowing and is a great way to refocus your audience if the pitch or meeting gets off to a rocky start.<\/p>\n
THE SCHNAUZER<\/b>: As soon as the shake begins, start licking the other person\u2019s hand. Keep this shake on reserve, pulling it out only when you\u2019re at your most desperate. The Schnauzer works best if you have a beard.<\/p>\n
THE EEL<\/b>: This the ideal shake for aquatic environments. Whether you\u2019re on your boss\u2019s speedboat or about to take a shower with a potential client, I strongly recommend that you go with The Eel. Just mimic the movement of an eel with your arm once the shake begins. The other person will love it! If the goal of the given shake is to intimidate, however, I suggest you crank it up a notch and go with the\u00a0THE ELECTRIC EEL<\/b>, <\/b>which calls for a \u201cbzzzz\u201d sound from your mouth and a jerk or two of your arm.<\/p>\n
THE COMMODORE<\/b>: I left this one for last because it\u2019s the hardest to master and should not be attempted by just anyone. Immediately after the shake has commenced, make circles with your hand like you\u2019re mixing cookie dough, bringing the person\u2019s hand along for the ride. Be sure to always move your hand clockwise, as trying to go counter-clockwise could really offend somebody. While you\u2019re making the circles, start turning your palm downward so that by the end of the shake it\u2019s facing the floor. This way the other person will be left moving his hand like he\u2019s rubbing the tummy of a beautiful baby giraffe.<\/p>\n
A good handshake could mean the difference between a six-figure salary and severe psychological trauma. Dazzle people with your handshakes and there’ll be no stopping you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The handshake is the crucible of the business world. Deliver a memorable handshake and you\u2019ll land that new client and be bumped up the list for a promotion. Deliver a flop and you\u2019ll be the laughing-stock of the office and probably get fired – if you don\u2019t quit first, that is, on account of the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":56,"featured_media":6220,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[97],"tags":[191,198],"yoast_head":"\n